A First Look Guide: Preparing a Grieving Child for the Holidays Ahead

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An illustrated white mother, six-year-old girl, and twelve-year-old boy plan the holidays with a paper calendar and sticky notes while Grief joins their circle holding a note.

From Thanksgiving through New Year's, the calendar fills up fast — school concerts, family gatherings, religious services, gift-giving, travel, traditions. For a grieving family, each of these can bring a fresh wave of missing someone.

Grief experts often say the anticipation of the holidays can be harder than the days themselves. The good news: a little planning ahead can lower anxiety for everyone, especially children. Think of this as a first look — a way to see the season coming and decide together how you want to meet it.

Step 1: Hold a family check-in

Before the season begins, sit down together — at dinner, on a drive, over hot chocolate — and ask:

"What are you worried about for the holidays this year?"
"What do you want to keep the same?"
"What would feel too hard right now?"
"How do you want to remember ___?"

Children often have strong opinions, and being asked tells them their feelings matter.

Printable holiday plan worksheet with columns for traditions to keep, change, or skip for now, and a space for how the family will remember their loved one.

Step 2: Decide what to keep, change, or skip

There's no rule that says you have to do everything you've always done. Families often find it helpful to sort traditions into three groups:

Keep — traditions that still feel comforting (baking cookies, watching a favorite movie).
Change — traditions that need a new shape (a different house for dinner, a new person reading the holiday story).
Skip (for now) — traditions that feel too painful this year. You can always return to them later.

It's okay if different family members want different things. Look for small compromises.

Step 3: Preview each big event

Before a gathering, concert, or service, tell children what to expect: who will be there, how long it will last, what might be hard, and what they can do if they need a break. Agree on a signal and a quiet spot.

"If you need a break at Grandma's, squeeze my hand twice and we'll go sit in the car for a bit."

Step 4: Plan how to remember

Many families find comfort in including their person in the season. Ideas:

Hang an ornament or stocking in their honor.
Light a candle at meals.
Cook their favorite holiday dish.
Give to a cause they cared about.
Write them a letter and read it together.

Let children lead where they can.

Step 5: Prepare for questions from others

Relatives, classmates, and neighbors may ask about the person who died — or say something unhelpful. Practice simple responses together: "My dad died this year. I don't really want to talk about it right now." Remind children they can always come find you.

Step 6: Talk with school

December often brings holiday crafts, parent-themed gifts, and family-centered activities. A quick email to your child's teacher or counselor can help them offer alternatives and keep an eye out.

Step 7: Build in rest

Quote card with a softly painted snowy window reading, “The holidays don’t have to feel normal to be meaningful.”

Grief is exhausting — for kids and adults. Protect downtime, keep routines like bedtime as steady as possible, and give yourself permission to say no to invitations.

Step 8: Take care of yourself, too

Children take cues from the adults around them. You don't have to hold it all together — but getting support for your own grief helps you support theirs. (See Supporting a Child While You Are Grieving Too.)

A final word

The holidays won't feel the way they used to — and that's okay. They don't have to feel normal to be meaningful. With a plan, some flexibility, and room for every feeling, your family can find its way through the season together.

For more on the days themselves, read Helping Children Through Birthdays and Holidays After a Loss.